What is tantric sex?
You probably heard about Tantra sex or Tantra.
Might have even tried it, but still not quite sure what it is and how to start practicing with your partner or by yourself.
GREAT! You are in the right place to find out more about tantric sex without the much of the who-ho-ho sugarcoating.
Let’s start from the beginning.
What comes to mind when you think of tantra?
Sex? Intimacy? Partnership? Energy?
Yes, you’re right, it’s all of that and much more.
“Tantra Is the Science of Transforming Ordinary Lovers Into Soul Mates” – Osho.
It’s an ancient Indian practice where the individual throughout breath work, self-awareness, energy flows are showing up for their self. Tantra and tantric sex are a method of unification, reaching oneness instead of separation. Tantra is a natural way of connecting God/Oneness/The Universe depending on your belief system.
The word Tantra can be divided into two words: “tan” and “tra.” “Tan” in the Sanskrit language means weaving. “Tra” means liberation. It’s an inner journey of self-discovery, connectedness, and self-exploration towards knowing who we are and what the world is all about through our perceptions. Tantric sex is a sacred practice. It’s a mix of techniques: clearing energy channels, balancing your chakras, meditation, breath work and dealing with upcoming emotions and expanding your consciousness.
Some historical background of Tantra.
It comes from the Vedic tradition of Hinduism about 6,000 years ago. Out of Hinduism as it evolved, it became tantric yoga which these days spread through the western world as Hatha Yoga. Tantra can be found in Buddhism too. The Dalai Lama and the Diamond Way of Buddhism are also teaching a way of tantra practice, and there is a new wave of Tantra in the western world, called: Neo-Tantra and also another section called the Kundalini Tantra Yoga. All these variations of Tantra practices emphasize the same guidelines: the individual being deeply evolved, observing, expanding themselves, energies and their surroundings with the intention of feeling and sharing the love.
Without much going into more to the yogic, spiritual and historical paths of Tantra, let’s summarize what tantra and tantric sex are.
It’s an expansion of energy waves, life force, and love.
You think: What does energy need to do with sex?
Before I started practicing tantric sex, I thought I knew all about sex, but didn’t realize I knew very little and exercised just a ‘needy, demanding and quick way of sex.’ Back then it was all in my mind. Looking back on it now, I see how much I was limiting myself – being always in my mind and having all sort of questions like:
“What if I don’t have an orgasm?
“What if he comes earlier and I don’t have time to have an orgasm?
“What if I disappoint him?”
“Where should I touch him to make him come?”
“What sounds shall I make to make him happy?”
“Why doesn’t he make any sound, isn’t he enjoying it?”
And the list would go on and on in my mind.
Even before we could start having sex, I was already so conditioned that even if he had been the perfect lover, I may have missed it, because I was so up in my head instead of my heart and senses.
Today’s busy life; it’s hard to switch off.
We, women, have so many tasks. Just doing nothing seems impossible, right? And the Man is always under pressure to perform, that’s another stress factor. Imagine a couple coming together, “I can’t switch off,” (woman’s perception) and “I must play to make her happy or to be loved,” (man’s opinion)
Not the most connected love making environment mindset, right?
My mind was always full of activity that I got so disconnected from men, all the while thinking that they didn’t know how to please me. The actual truth about it was: I was so disconnected with my feminine side and sexuality; I couldn’t trust or just let go and be there in the moment of joy and love with the man. My intention of having sex was only focused on the end results…having an orgasm, no matter what.
This continued until I met a man who helped me heal from the wounds of my past relationship and opened me up completely to my surroundings first and then to my man within the moment of love.
Tantra is the magic path to connect deeper with yourself and your partner. Without connection, the whole sexual experience will be a very suppressed, needy, damaging, just a quick fix and an entirely different experience from what it should be. You will see when you start practicing tantric sex.
To some extent, all our past and current partners, relationships in life make an imprint in our sexual behaviours. Staying in the thinking mode rather than feeling, will cause a constant pulling-dragging-taking-worn out effect, instead of empowering energy waves and emotion flows between two human beings.
I was always more focused on the result, not the journey.
And what was my result? “I want to have and give an orgasm and want to do quick and lots.” Don’t get me wrong, orgasms are great, but when you learn tantric sex, you can experience a whole new level of orgasms, not just in seconds, but six different full body orgasms. Hours of orgasmic waves, ecstatic flow, high, love and your whole approach towards sex and man will change.
Ready to embark on a tantric journey and learn how to do tantric sex?
The best practice is self-practice:
As I mentioned earlier, learning to love yourself is vital to be able to give love to another human being.
How to experience sexuality within your own body
The way I experience my sexuality and open my body, soul, and heart during tantric sex is orgasmic. Today I can orgasm just as easy as I am breathing.
How to achieve this
You are giving permission to yourself to feel again. While you are breathing into your belly, opening your heart, you start to feel an inner surrendering and peace towards the experience. It’s not about a man; it’s about giving yourself into whatever feels right. The best way to explain it is to surrender to life. You surrender the energy that wants to move through you and that will lead you to have an orgasmic experience. It kind of works the other way around than before.
4 Tantric Sex Exercise for Women:
During this practice you look deep into your own (or somebody else’s) eyes.
If you single, you can still do it.
Best to practice when you awake in the morning. Perhaps try it first for five minutes. Grab a mirror, hold it in front of your face, take a deep breath and look deep into your own eyes. Try not to look away. Stay present with your own self and feelings. See what comes up or out from this practice.
If you want to take this practice one step further, say to yourself: “I love you (put your name here),” or “I adore you (put your name here).” See what makes you feel good. It’s all about feeling and experiencing your presence and building more self-love and consciousness into your daily life.
2: Jade Egg Practice
I discovered the Jade Egg practice while I was in Bali last year and I can tell you it completely changed my relationship with my yoni. To start with place, you will need to have a Jade Egg. Before starting any practice, it’s good to infuse or send your intuition towards your egg or your sacred temple; then you just place the egg inside you. You can just hold it there, or you can move it up within you with your pelvic muscles. Take a deep breath and instead of letting the breath down to your belly, take it one step lower, inhale all the way down to your womb area. Fill that space with love and acceptance. This practice helps you to get connected and be more aware what’s going down there.
Take this practice one step further. Tie a string on the end of your jade egg, lay down, push the egg inside and breathe, while you breathe out just gently pull the string out of your yoni all the way. It’s a much more self-pleasuring way of doing this practice. It’s a great practice to nurture, sending love and pleasure to our sacred place as women. Especially doing it with a crystal that comes from the earth will help you to feel more connected to the world and yourself. It’s an excellent way to start infusing some tantric sex into your life where you learn to focus on the journey and giving love to yourself. You might have an orgasm, but try just to enjoy and to let the energy waves come and go through your body.
Breathing is the key to a presence for doing tantric sex.
Sit in a comfortable space, breath in and let your belly expand.
Breath out, then let your stomach sink. Try to fill up your stomach (body) with oxygen as much as possible and keep focusing on the breathing and just feeling.
(Everyday life, we intend to breathe very shallow and the opposite is like this breathing technique). It might take you a few times to master this type of breathing, just be patient and practice.
Place your left hand up in your heart, inhale and fill your right hand going away from your belly while it’s expanding with the air.
Practising only the breathing can bring you many benefits in life.
4: Tantric Yoga/Kundalini Yoga Movement – Pelvic Breathing
Push your pelvic area back while pressing out the air from your body and press your pelvis in front when you exhale.
Don’t forget, practice makes perfect.
Keep doing these exercises daily, and you will feel changes within and around you.
The process of learning tantric sex:
Tantric sex is an expansion of energy, a way of finding your innocent self where you were able to give unconditional love. It’s pure love, acceptance, giving and sharing the love. It’s a sacred journey towards better self-awareness, self-love and an overall more conscious relationship with yourself, partner, the universe, nature and all existence around us. In tantra, the journey always is more important than the result. Usually, when we practice sex, we think of how and what we want to experience, which already gives a lot of pressure to the experience. Almost like, having another to-do, a task on our list for the day.
Learning tantric sex, you go into a deeply relaxing state. You let your inner guide, intuition, senses, body, and feelings guide you through the whole-hearted sacred experience. You learn to listen more to your desires rather than giving commands from your mind on what should be, and you become more confident in yourself and ability to give and receive unconditional love.
When you can connect with your sexual energy, you will have a much more vivid, passionate energy to tackle daily tasks. It is because sexual energy is same as having a life force.
Most people only use 5% of their life force, so they only use 5% their sexual energies. Today’s busy life, most of us run through days of doing, rather than feeling. We programme our life to live in a survivor mode, rather than creative mode. When you learn tantric sex and master yub-yam, your sexual energy ergo, life force increases and you will be able to do and experience life at a much deeper level. Using tantric experiences, you can feel alive every day without any substance.
The best thing about tantra techniques is that you can practice by yourself or you can practice with your partner.
How to learn tantric sex?
The most simple tip is to just sit down and start observing your breathing. What happens? Are you in your mind? Heart? Or in your yoni*? (sexual center of body)
Does your mind start to generate thoughts? Are things rushing through your mind that you should do, be or manage right now?
Just take a deep breath, hold it in for a moment and exhale.
You see, it was easy, right? You already started practicing tantra.
Tantra starts with an awareness of breath, it’s best to slow down and just observe what’s going on in your life, body, and mind right now.
Most of us, when it comes to breathing, we only practice chest breathing. It’s a very shallow form of breath.
- Sit in a comfortable position in a chair or on a mat in a relaxed pose.
- Place your hands down to your stomach. Feel your own body.
- Breathe deeply through your nostrils, take the air all the way down to your belly. Let the air fill up your lungs, ribcages going all the way down to your stomach. During you filling up your body with air, push your stomach out, hold it for a moment then exhale out on the mouth. Same as you would sign, release all tension out from the body.
- Repeat this breathing technique for another few times and observe how are you feeling.
Are you feeling more grounded, calm and peaceful?
More in tune? In touch with your guidance? Yourself? Great feeling your own body; it’s the first step when you want to start practicing tantric sex!
Now you are in deep and relaxing, almost meditative state, try to listen to yourself. What’s your mind telling you? Are there any personal stories around sexuality? Any traumas? Any guilt or shame?
We all have been conditioned from a very young age by our parents and society to somehow suppress our sexuality. Not wanting to let it flow or express it, cause it’s wrong, unaccepted or just not as the good girl would behave. We learn to suppress our emotions and feelings which lead us to be less sexual which will result in an overall loss of life force in our life. When you squeeze down your feelings, you learn how not to feel, and if that keeps happening, you will learn just living in your head. Doing things from your head which leads to having sex with your mind. Tantric sex is all about coming back to the experience how to feel again and allowing yourself to feel and express these emotions through and within your body.
“An awakened man looks for an evolved woman as a partner on his life journey because he knows that as their souls merge, she will help him to make the shift and become a man of higher awareness.” – Daniel Nielsen
How to have tantric sex with your partner
Tantric sex with a partner (mastering the yab-yam position).
The five steps technique:
- Create a comfortable sacred space for this intimate, soulful tantra practice.
- Lit some candles, burn some essential oils.
- Switch off all electronics and put some relaxing music on.
- Sit in a yab-yam position.
Okay, hey, what is a yab-yam position?
The woman sits in her partner’s lap, wrapping her legs around the partner’s body, hugging the partner’s body as close as they feel comfortable: (illustration in photo)
Modification: if you have a bad back (man) you can bend towards the wall or if the woman is not comfortable sitting on the partner’s lap, just sit as close as possible.
You sit in front of each other and look deeply into each other’s eyes. That is the first sense of the five practice: SEE. Look into your partner’s eyes, take deep breaths through your belly and slowly get synchronized with your partner’s breathing.
Keep breathing together and let emotions flow. Let go of whatever comes up, and experience it with all joy or sorrow.
Allow your partner’s eyes to gaze deep inside you. Opening your souls to one other.
Place your chin on one another’s shoulder while you hold, hug each other just a little closer. Taking deep inhalation and exhale out. This movement does not need to be synchronized. Keep listening, hearing the other’s breathing. Allow yourself to become involved in your partner’s breathing, note their signs and feel their emotions.
Go ahead and start feeling your partner’s body scents. Taking it all in, like it would be the only scenes in the room.
Keep stroking your partner’s body parts (wherever you feel comfortable, touch there). Circle his/her body with circular motions with your hand. Feeling the texture of their hair, neck, shoulders, hips, buttocks, muscles and just feeling their overall being. Try to get completely lost in the moment, the joy of exploring, touching and being touched. Not thinking at all, just focusing on feeling your partner’s beautiful body. Keep stroking, touching them with circular motions.
Press your lips to your partner’s lips and feel them as if it’s the first time. Playful, passionate and curious. Feel their lower lips, bite them, pull them, push your tongue, lick. Make some circular motions outside, gently bite their lips, explore all their lips, mouth, and if you like to taste somewhere else too, then it’s the time, go for it.
You can start every love-making with sitting in yab-yam position and doing the five-sense tantric sex exploration as long as you wish to. This exercise will guarantee to ‘fire up’ both of your sexual energies and brings your mood for some more hot exploration. Great start for beginners to open up, learn and let go your own and partner’s sexuality. Experience connectedness and love in a deeper level!
My Top 3 Tantric Exercise with a Partner:
1. Nurturing Meditation
This practice is good old-fashioned spooning.
(Energetically best if both partners lay on their left sides.)
Decide which one of you needs more to have some nurturing. Let’s say it’s the woman. The man (would lay behind the woman and he will be the giver), he needs to snuggle close behind her, lining up his chakras up with hers: heart center to heart center, belly center to belly center, and so on. Both partners should use pillows to prop head, neck, and shoulders high enough so the man can slip his left arm under the woman’s neck and bring his hand to rest lightly on the third eye chakra of her forehead or the crown chakra at the top of her head. The man’s right arm should cradle the woman, with his hand over her heart; she should rest her hand on top of his.
After a few moments, move into the “harmonizing breath.” Notice your partner’s breath, and begin to synchronize with it: Inhale, pause, exhale and pause and keep going in this rhythm together.
While the woman inhales, she needs to focus on accepting energy through her back into all of her chakras. While the man exhales, he will concentrate on sending energy to his partner’s body from his.
It’s a beautiful practice to charge all chakras individually. Start with the heart chakra, focus on the chakra, cycle the energy between you two for three full breath cycles. And carry on same practice to your third eye chakra for three breaths; after moving to the “root” chakra (found at the base of the spine). Move to your second chakra (your genital area), then your navel chakra, your throat chakra, and your crown chakra.
2. Hand on Heart
Sit in easy pose, face your partner. Place your right hand on your partner’s heart chakra and your left hand on your partner’s right hand. Tune into your heart: first, your physical heart, and then the emotion and energy of your heart chakra. Can you sense your heartbeat? How does your heart chakra feel? Expansive and open? Constricted? Fluttery? Vibrating? Peaceful? Try closing your eyes and focusing on the connection between your heart and your partner’s hand, or you can gaze into each other’s eyes while engaging in the harmonizing breath.
And my absolute favorite the:
The man sits cross-legged, and the woman sits on his upper thighs, crossing her ankles behind his back.
It’s an upright sitting posture which promotes awareness, aligns the partners’ chakras, and allows them to breathe each other’s breath and either touch their brow chakras together or gaze into each other’s eyes, yab-yum is the ideal position for Tantric sex.