BDSM Guide: Everything You Need To Know About BDSM

Everyone keeps talking about BDSM, kink, fetish and so on. All these can be overwhelming when you just entering this arena of sexuality. I decided to clear up confusion and explain what the words mean. Reading this article you will learn about the main BDSM terminology and I also hope it will inspire you to get more adventures when it comes adding some BDSM element into your sex life.

What BDSM really stands for?

Bondage & Discipline
Domination & Submission
Sadism & Masoist

These are the three core concepts when we talk about BDSM. These days a lot of erotic myths, bad rep and press and a massive interest, curiosity going around when BDSM comes up. It’s all because of the whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon. Most people assume BDSM it’s all about violence, abuse, pain, hurting the other however this could not be further from the truth of the real BDSM (sex) experience. Kinky people use BDSM sex mainly to supplement their regular sexual life with some erotic kinky edging and bringing more sexual pleasure with some kink such as bondage, domination and submission role-play and power games.

A lot of people seem to think that BDSM requires you to use whips, chains, handcuffs or to have extreme violence, pressured rules and sort of other weird stuff. BDSM sex and the lifestyle is about using pleasures, sensations, mental and emotional triggers to a point where you can generate more fun, joy and europhile in your partner. During BDSM sex you learn to penetrate, awaken, stimulate the mind of another human being.

During BDSM sex it does not matter how it looks from the outside; it’s more important how it feels inside, what feelings, issues coming up during the scene. That’s why communication and aftercare are crucial.

[bctt tweet=”BDSM is for people who like intense sensations.” username=”alexandra_guru”]

Domination is an art of taking control, penetrate to the other’s mind, open their deepest desires up towards more pleasure.

bdsmLearn to master these skills and you will easily understand people’s deepest sexual desires and will be able to bring them to another high of sexual experience. BDSM sex can be healing for some.

The truth is that most of us already participate some form of BDSM in our everyday life. It could be very light BDSM activity during your traditional sex life. Example: if you are enjoying biting, scratching or having your hair pulled or been called dirty names during sex. Some people would already consider these activities soft-core kink. It’s BDSM for some vanilla sex lovers. Some people would do the above mentioned erotic behaviours and just consider it as ‘normal’. It’s your choice to decide what BDSM is (thought your lens to this world) and if it’s for you or not?

BDSM could have a bad rep based on people not truly understand it.

Not understanding how some erotic activities could trigger more sensations in some people’s brain. Why would people do certain things?

We live in a world where we constantly need to wear masks to be ‘good enough’ for our friends, family and workplace. By the end, we forget who we are and what we need sexually to be complete. BDSM and exploring your kinky side could help you understand, open up and bring up these suppressed and ignored emotions, sexual needs, which could lead you to understand and accept yourself by the core. Pain also could be the pleasure source for some. When reading and learning about BDSM, it’s important to keep an open and non-judgmental mind at all times.

[bctt tweet=”BDSM is for anyone who dares to expand their erotic horizons beyond ordinary.” username=”alexandra_guru”]

BDSM is for those who love to dance on the line between pain and pleasure. It’s the best kink out there.

When it comes to kinky, clarity and communication are crucial.

As every profession or field, BDSM also has its vocabulary.

What is kink?

Kink refers to any activity that diverts from the ‘norm’, and it gives sexual pleasure. It’s an intimate experience, an exchange of power between people that can be physical, erotic, sensual, spiritual experience or all above.

Dom / Dominatrix ( active) also called Master or Top
An individual who create, control and actively move forward the scene by giving orders, experiments and rewards.

Submissive ( passive) also called Slave or Bottom
An individual who surrender, follow orders and gives up control to (or “intending to”) please her/his Master.

Switch
A person who can be both Dominant or Submissive depending on who she/he interacts in a scene.

Scene
The actual act and place, the scenario of the play – who will do what. It’s important that before you start playing you set the rules. All participant needs to know what they will be doing and what are the boundaries.

BDSM sex should always be

Safe
Sane
Consensual sex.

Safe You don’t injure anyone. You discuss with your BDSM partner before starting a scene what is a “YES-NO-MAYBE” while playing. Partners need to communicate and agree on boundaries. What they want to experience, willing to try, outcome and what they do not want to experience at all. Always set a safe word before starting a scene.

Safeword can be used when things get heated.

It could be something that stops the act entirely or just reduce the intensity. Again it all depends on the previous agreement between the parties. If you have absolute trust, you can say: no safe word, however, for this, you need to know your partner well. When no safe word applied, there is no place to complain! Anything goes!Know yourself, especially if you playing with a more experienced partner.

No safewords translate no taboos; anything can happen.
Is that what you want?

Example: You like to try sensation play on your nipples.
The Dom start press, pull, twist the nipple with the tip of their fingers slowly then adding more and more pressure into the movement. Keeping eye-contact with Sub. If you more adventurous or your level of pain tolerance is high, you can always add nipple clamps into this play. (If you haven’t got nipple clamps you can use DIY clamps, clothes-pegs!) Cloth-pegs could be applied to all areas of the body to intensify sensations.

Sane Keep in respect the other person’s boundaries. Don’t go overboard giving pain and don’t cause harm. Before practising any form of BDSM start from the basics. Read articles, books and try to learn so you know what are you doing. Begin exercising and evolve your technique as you developed trust. Don’t forget the more you learn, the better you get. Technicality and becoming a Master of BDSM, it does take time.

Consensual sex
Both parties need to be on the same page. Need to agree and communicate prior and during the scene, express feelings and desires. BDSM sex if done right can be a unique and freeing (sexually healing) experience. When the power dynamics work well, it’s highly pleasurable for both parties. If things take off and it’s more you expected or able to handle. It’s okay to stop. Any decision during scene has to be respected and honoured from both sides. It’s super important to have “aftercare” after an intense session. As in regular sex, you would cuddle, in BDSM you can chat, cry or whatever feels right after. Don’t hide your feelings, express them. Remember it’s a healing sexual experience to connect with exact sexual needs!

What’s all about the BDSM clothing?

There are a lot of hot kinky materials that stimulate the skin, such as rubber, latex, leather or wearing sexy uniforms such as schoolgirl, nurse or dominatrix. Cross-dressing also a fun way to explore some of your kinkier sides. The term stands for cloth swapping. Example: Your man would like to wear your lingerie, stockings, panties or whatever he fancies during sex. Put some lipstick, make-up or wig on. Why not? It’s no harm to explore new things in the bedroom. Remember it just play, an act. You could become anyone you want to be for an hour or two. Who would you be?

Who practices BDSM sex can’t enjoy Vanilla Sex?

Vanilla sex refers to ordinary (aka traditional) sex.

Related article: Read all about Tantric Sex. 

Trying BDSM sex is like topping up your vanilla ice-cream with some chocolate sprinkles or syrup. You can add on the ice-cream or leave it. Both way you could enjoy the ice-cream right? The same applies to BDSM sex. In my opinion who practise any form of BDSM just has a wider range of colours to paint in the bedroom. Giving more sensations, attention and pleasure to their partner by respect and understand their true sexual desires.

Are you kinky?

You find out when the regular sex just doesn’t float your boat anymore. You begin to seek out alternative pleasure sources.The more open-minded, willing, curious you are the most chance you have to find what erotic desires, fetishes, kinky games get your panty-soaked. Being kinky is a bit naughty, almost socially forbidden and so freaking sexy ( if you ask me). Start to explore new ideas in the bedroom by opening up your body, mind and soul for new erotic pleasures. Notice new things and desires about yourself. You feel to expand your knowledge on the topic try these few ideas for beginners in BDSM.

[bctt tweet=”BDSM is art how to bring fantasies alive. ” username=”alexandra_guru”]

How to set up your BDSM scene / Fantasy Play?

What is a fantasy game? Otherwise, also called role-play. Where you and your partner create characters, create a scenario and play it out with a sexual outcome.
Have you ever wanted to be an actor/actress?
Here is your chance to shine!

It’s similar like attending a psychodrama class. You can channel your inner desires and become anyone for the act.The most common erotic plays are the doctor/patient, boss/secretary, teacher/ student but you can create your own.

Personally, I got a fetish for suits. Yeah, as crazy it sounds I love dark blue suits with crisp ironed white shirt. It immediately symbolises status and power and brings eroticism into my mind.
BDSM is all about the power dynamic. You need to do some erotic experiments and see what triggers you.

When I play, I like to dress up as a secretary. The scenario would be that I’m negligent in my work and my boss catches me doing something else then work during work hours. He obliges me to his office. He commands me to crawl on the floor to his legs or ask me to bend over the table. Telling me how bad I’m in my work and if I want to keep it better try to please him somehow. Otherwise, he will punish me being such a naughty negligent worker. And the story goes on and on. It’s up to your fantasy now to complete it. 🙂

Corporate punishment (spanking) if done with ‘mindfuck’ could be such a freeing sexual experience! It triggers within me the need to please him and order to keep my job. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Don’t we all women, just born with a high need to please man? Why not make this human need a playful BDSM act?

Hope this article helped you to have a wider knowledge of BDSM sex and courage to give it a try!? Let me know if you do! I would love hearing about all it! Comment below, what BDSM scene you fantasise about!

What kind of sexual deviant are you?
Click here to test your kink.

Keep safe and be Naughty

Xoxo

Alexandra

By | 2017-11-03T15:52:19+00:00 October 26th, 2017|SEX & RELATIONSHIP|Comments Off on BDSM Guide: Everything You Need To Know About BDSM